Breakfast Tacos (A Celebration!)
Welcome to the first cooking post of Your Best Worst Friend---a site where I encourage you to make awful and wonderful decisions with me, and one of those awful and wonderful things is breakfast tacos.
As a comedy writer, you might wonder--why the fuck are you foraying into cooking blogs? Because I'm an insufferable asshole, and I refuse to stick with what I know. This new site is me breaking out of my shell in all the obnoxious ways a lifestyle blogger does. This is no exception. Also: I got a nice kitchen in my new apartment and now I think I'm Ina Garten. All I do is slap on denim shirts and tell my boyfriend to leave for long periods of time so I can cook crab stew with all my gay friends. And it's reflecting in this new site. You'll see. At this time next year, I'll be doing a post where I tell you how much my food photography has improved. We get it! You guys got more expensive camera equipment!
Anyway. Breakfast tacos are my absolute favorite food because they are a side dish to queso, which is what the rivers in heaven flow with, or at least whatever nightmare amusement park Guy Fieri's mind is filled with. And when you are me and you decide to start a new phase in your life, like creating a lifestyle blog at 28 even though you already had a fairly successful blog, what do you do?
You make things from scratch! You cook all the time! You shovel pathetic little bowls of queso into your mouth like a psycho!
To me, breakfast (can you imagine if I said brekkie? Gag me!) tacos creates a certain feeling of whimsy, like probably how Gwyneth Paltrow feels right after an enema. They remind me of the last time I was in Austin, Texas and that fizzy, special feeling of being so bloated with sodium, you feel like a hot air ballon. Nothing is better for your skin and body than filling it with things like tortillas, tequila, and haz-mat orange melty cheese. And now that I'm starting a lifestyle blog, I need my skin to look awful and taco-y.
Anyway, you don't need a whole backstory on my speciallll tripppp. Or my anxiety about my new career. I'm assuming you came here for a recipe, not a 2000 word essay on how important tacos are to me. But fuck it--I may make fun of it, but I'll also always do it. Additionally, here's a simple photo of 1/4 of my meal at Torchy's Tacos, which has fantastic Tex Mex and I wish they existed in New York so I could always overdo my sodium levels and cholesterol:
Isn't that beautiful? But this isn't about that. I just put the picture in because I can, and before you get a recipe, you have to be inundated with stories and personal anecdotes and pictures, so you can put be inspired to forge ahead and cook the recipe in your dog shit hobo kitchen or whatever.
And now for the main attraction, a recipe that you could probably guess the ingredients of, for those of you who want to have a taco-y party, even if you aren't in Texas.
Alida's Best Breakfast Tacos When She Is Having An Emotional Crisis:
Ingredients (beware, these are very DUH):
-2 Eggs a person (yes, you can use egg whites, get your life)
-Whatever breakfast protein you want to use, whether it be turkey sausage, bacon, tempeh bacon, nothing, chorizo, or that soy chorizo from Trader Joe's that I think is too salty!
-Olive Oil (about a tablespoon)
-Cheese (pepperjack or cheddar work great, but I'm not your boss)
-Flour Tortillas that are taco-sized (um, yes, you can also use corn but those aren't as bendy)
How Do You Assemble These Simple Ingredients?
-Scramble the eggs in a bowl. Be like me and splash about a tablespoon of water (or even dairy/non-dairy milk) in there to make them fluffier. Set aside in a nice bowl, gently assuring them they will be thrown in a screaming pot pan soon enough.
-Sauté the protein of choice in a pan on medium-high heat with a splash of olive oil. When that's done and dusted, push it all to one side of the pan and add the eggs, adding more oil if necessary, but let's not go wild. Add salt/pepper/pinch of garlic powder. Scramble the eggs violently until they are almost cooked, then incorporate the meat, which is sitting on the other side of the pan all sad and alone.
-Turn the heat off. Add a handful of cheese. Cover the pan.
-Wrap your tortilla shells in a damp paper towel and microwave until hot, usually about 30 seconds. If you hate me for that, you can heat them on a dry pan on medium heat for about 10 seconds on each side.
- Open the lid. Serve into taco shells with:
AVOCADO. GUAC. REFRIED BEANS. CUBED AND ROASTED POTATOES. HASH BROWNS. CUBED AND ROASTED SWEET POTATOES. BLACK BEANS. SOUR CREAM. GREEK YOGURT. HOT SALSA. QUESO FRESCO. TOMATILLO SALSA. CHOLULA. TAPATIO. KETCHUP, YOU ANIMAL. PICKLED JALAPEÑOS.
And now some variations: if you are vegan, a delicious breakfast taco is potato, jalapeño, and avocado. Adding potatoes to this taco is highly recommended in general.
You've eaten tacos before, guys. This isn't revolutionary. One of these days I'll give you my recipe for homemade salsa. But today's not that day. Today is Taco Day. Today is first post at Your Best Worst Friend day. Intuitive, simple taco day that doesn't even need a recipe, because that is what I can emotionally handle right now.
God darn it, we can do this!
And sure, I'll get better at the pictures. Someday.