This is a lifestyle blog.

I'm Alida. Writer of Books. Lover of food. Late 20s and still shops at Forever21. Wears lipstick to the grocery store. Runs even when not being chased. Like a Real Housewife but poorer. Not real good at anything. Now a lifestyle blogger.

You should definitely listen to me!

 

My Best Beauty Tips

My Best Beauty Tips

(from a non-professional idiot who really likes makeup)

-If your legs are dry, use your conditioner as a shaving cream for a few days instead

-If you need to get rid of a dry patch of skin off your face and you have no time to wait for the moisturizer to kick in, use a piece of Scotch tape and then get at the moisturizer

-Have dull hair from hard water? Get a squirt bottle, fill it with cold filtered water, and dump it on your head after you’re done showering. It makes a HUGE difference.

-Hair STILL dull (or suffering from dandruff)? Instead of using conditioner one night, add a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar to the filtered water and let it sit on your head for a few minutes before rinsing off.

-Red lipstick makes teeth whiter, but so does berry-toned lipstick. Grey or greige makes them look more yellow.

-If you’re drinking a lot of red wine and worried about your teeth getting stained, exfoliate your lips the night before with a dry toothbrush and a tablespoon of olive oil, mixed with a teaspoon of sugar. That will help. Or just be me, the slob who orders rosé in the WINTER.

-Black tights get deodorant stains off clothing just by rubbing them with it. This saves me so many times I cannot physically stand it.

-To prevent black tights from ripping before they rip, spray them a little with hairspray if you are super worried about it

-Never wear a romper to a place with a dirty bathroom

-Moisturize your skin ten or twenty minutes before you put makeup on instead of right before.

-If you’re taking a lot of photos at an event, wear at transparent powder that doesn’t have HD qualities because it’ll show up looking like cocaine in pictures. Not sure what one works? Take a photo with the flash on before a big event to see what it looks like. Or just put cocaine under your eyes. I don't care.

-Wasn't it Coco Chanel who said look in the mirror right before you leave and take one accessory off? I disagree. Add black lipstick and some kind of vaginal pin.

-Put dry shampoo and deodorant on the night before if you plan on not taking a shower in the morning and you'll look almost cleaner.

-Match your foundation to your neck and not your jawline if you self-tan or don't have a jawline or just want to look good

-If your nails are yellow, soak them in lemon juice and baking soda for a few minutes...but also don't paint your nails all the time, promise it will help.

-Whenever you remove hair from your face, exfoliate afterwards to prevent ingrown hairs!

-DO NOT PICK AT YOUR PIMPLES YOU CHILD !!! !!!!!!

-Yes, scotch tape for eyeshadow--- lined up from the end of your eyebrow to the outer corner of your eye---will help you apply a cat eye and achieve a cool Instagram makeup look, but for goodness sakes don’t press down too hard on the tape and do it before you apply your foundation. 

-If you don’t want to buy an eyeshadow primer, concealer also works on the eyelid.

-If you hate clumpy mascara, keep a dry spooly around (you can buy them at the store) and run it through your lashes after the first coat of mascara, then apply another one.

-If you cried a lot the night before, leave your eye cream in the fridge overnight and get ready to apply it in the morning.

-If you want to fake being sick at work, don't wear any makeup except a little blush, watch the last episode of Parenthood before you go to work, and watch how people talk shit about your looks right to your face ie "YOU LOOK SO TIRED"

-The things I will splurge on: FAB moisturizer, Origins eye cream, Makeup Forever foundation, Kat Von D liquid lipstick, Caviar CC cream for hair, and Tweezerman tweezers.

-The things I won’t: nail polish, lip liner, and eyebrow gel.

-Steps you shouldn’t skip for long-lasting makeup that actually are worth it: setting spray and lip liner.

-If you think your eyeshadow sucks, spend a few more dollars on nice brushes and try again. If it still sucks, just throw it out.

-For goodness sakes, just throw out the makeup that you don’t use all that often. You do not need it and it's probably old.

-When you are in a rush, the best five-minute makeup is blush, a sheer berry lipstick, and mascara.

-You are never too old for cat eye eyeliner, but you're never too good at it to do it right. You'll fuck up 10% of the time, but that's fine.

-When you are doing your makeup for a big event, you will mess up. Keep some tissues by you, some Q-tips dipped in makeup remover, and start applying 1 hour before you think you should. Thank me later.

-The makeup you should bring in your purse for a big night out: a small traveling setting spray for when you face gets cakey, the lipstick you’re wearing,  a safety pin, a bobby pin, and a mirror. Concealer if you’re really nervous.

-If you wear glasses, buy a nude eyeliner for your inner rim. And never forget your lower lashes. Makes your eyes open up every time!

-Remove your makeup before you sleep. If you are a drunk little baby fool, put a package of makeup remover wipes on your bed and for the love of goodness, do the bare minimum.

-Remove only the hair you want to remove

-Apply blush to the apples of your cheeks if you want to look like a baby, apply it in an upwards motion towards your ears if you want to look not like a baby

-You don't always need highlighter, but if you wear highlighter, don't forget to put it on your Cupid's bow

-The best way to conceal a pimple is to make sure there’s no dead skin on it, resist popping it, find a good concealer match, don’t put too much product on top, and get over it because it’s okay and normal and please do not beat yourself up about it all the time.

-Try a navy blue lipstick at least once.

-Learn how to tweeze your eyebrows. Don’t overpluck.

-The best way to contour: try a cool-toned ashy –brown color and blend until you can’t really see the line anymore.

-If you are dry, don’t follow the makeup trends and bake your powder or use a lot of powder. In fact, look into getting cream blush and contour. Less powder for dry skin, more for oily

-The best tip: blend everything. Blend your eyeshadow. Blend your blush and contour. Don’t leave any visible lines. It’s the easiest way to look good.

-Rimming your undereye with dark black pencil eyeliner makes your eyes look smaller, but it also makes you look incredibly punk and cool.

-Apply a little bit of shimmery eyeshadow to the center of your eyelid for a nice glow.

-Don't forget to blend your foundation a little down your neck and jawline to create a more natural look

-If you think you look good, don't go into any fluorescent lighting

-Do a face mask the DAY OF a big event

-Do NOT be like me and try a new makeup product on New Year's Eve and get a COOL RASH

-Ask your friends if you have lipstick on your teeth!

-Sometimes you just have to say fuck it and get your lipstick all over your pizza and have it rub off, because it's pizza.

-If you don’t like the trend, don’t wear the trend.

-If it’s not trendy and you like it, do it.

-If people tell you to wear less makeup, tell them to shut the fuck up.

Being Nice, Being Liked

Being Nice, Being Liked

Advice I've Received As A Woman

Advice I've Received As A Woman