A Healthy Crunchwrap For These Dark Times
Today’s Monday, but does time really matter at this point? The world could end as soon as tomorrow, or at least become some ornate, tacky gold carnival of hate. Also, I could lose my healthcare, agency over my body, and the will to smile! It’s all pre-tty exciting stuff.
As somebody Latina, I ask myself, “what is the only thing that could soothe my fears in this time of utter, orange-y cold?” Voting is one of the things that soothes me. The other, of course, is creating healthier Taco Bell alternatives that I can eat in the privacy of my own home while crying and saying “ay dios mio” over and over again. Or imagining what I will do if the worst happens tomorrow and Eric Trump reinstates The Purge. Can you imagine having to see that guy pretty regularly for the next four years? He looks like he just lost out on being cast in that Twilight Zone episode where the people’s faces turn into masks.
Anyway, nobody loves Taco Bell more than me. It’s tremendous. And I mean it in the real way, not the “I just told them America some abhorrent things about an entire group of people so let’s take a press photo of me eating something with sour cream on it.” But sometimes, you gotta watch the horrific news cycle instead of sitting on your toilet all day, so I had to make some Taco Bell at home instead of ordering it.
One of the things I order at Taco Bell, besides all the sauce I can throw in my purse like my abuelita used to do, is the nachos with cheese. But considering that has the nutritional value of a chainsaw to the intestines, I occasionally get the Crunchwrap with beans instead of meat. And it’s pretty good. I also saw somebody make a Crunchwrap on the Internet, and I thought “this technique could be horrific to repeat, just a complete disaster.” But it was surprisingly easy. And so I thought I’d share a light from the tunnel in this darkness.
The one I assemble is (mostly) lactose-free, meatless, and has vegetables in it. It has real nutritional value. However, all the ingredients are up to you. This is more about technique. You might not have agency for much longer, so it’s important to be able to choose the ingredients you prefer before the USA becomes a giant steak and tie and gun factory.
Alida’s Frightened For The World So She Eats A Crunchwrap Recipe
Ingredients for 2-3:
For the Refried Beans:
-One Can Low-Sodium Black Beans
-Half an onion
-2 garlic cloves
-1 tablespoon tomato paste
-Salt and Pepper To Taste
-Splash of Olive Oil
For The Crunchwrap:
-Whole Wheat Burrito Wraps
-2 Cups of Kale
-1 Bell Pepper
-Other Half Of Onion
-1 Garlic Clove
-½ Cup Nacho Cheese of your choice (I used Organic Desert Pepper Company Brand because I’m a bougie bitch)
-Hard Taco Shells
-Chopped Romaine Lettuce
-One Medium Tomato
-½ Cup of Sour Cream (I used Tofutti)
-½ Cup of Shredded Cheese (I used Go Veggie Cheddar, which is lactose free/not vegan)
-Olive Oil Spray
How The Hell Do I Do This?!:
-Prepare the refried beans: chop the onion and garlic cloves and add the onion to a pot with olive oil.
-Fry for 5 minutes or until translucent, then add garlic until aromatic (about one minute)
-Add the can of beans and the juice in the can, along with the tomato paste and oregano.
-Taste for seasoning, add salt and pepper.
-Bring to a boil, then turn down and let simmer for fifteen minutes.
-Blend with a food processor or hand blender until smooth. Let cool.
-Sauté the veggies: chop the pepper and onion and tear up the kale and add to a medium-heat pan with some olive oil. Add a splash of water to wilt. Season as you like and cook for about 5 minutes, or until desired doneness. Set aside.
-Assemble the Crunchwraps: break the taco shells in half so they can form a circle
-using a cookie cutter or a cup and a knife, cut 2-3 circles into an extra flour tortilla
-Microwave the nacho cheese until hot, about 30 seconds.
-Take a whole tortilla and spread the refried beans in an even layer, leaving space around the tortilla like it’s a pizza crust.
-Add a ½ cup of the vegetables and spoon some nacho cheese over the top.
-Top the mixture with the two halves of the taco shell, forming a circle. Spread with sour cream, lettuce, tomato, and a small handful of cheese.
-Add the tortilla circle on top.
-Start heating a pan on medium heat with some olive oil spray or Pam.
-Now, fold one edge of the tortilla up and over the center. Hold for a few seconds and keep going around the circumference of the tortilla, performing the same motion. Be patient. The extra tortilla circle in the middle, as well as the folded edges, should keep all the fillings inside.
-When done, place your hand over the Crunchwrap and press down slightly. While doing this, pick up the wrap with your other hand and place the folded side down on the pan. Don’t burn yourself Don’t touch the damn thing for 2-3 minutes. Don’t even move it. It won’t spill.
-Flip it over and let it grill on the other side.
-Serve with guac, sour cream, salsa, and a LARGE DAMN DRINK.
And of course, don’t forget to vote tomorrow. May Taco Bell help us all.