Ideas For Black Friday!
There's a few things you can do for Black Friday. You can wait on line and smash somebody in the face with a cheap television. You can watch all of Gilmore Girls and be disappointed when it's not a four episode miniseries about Logan's racketeering charges associated with Trump (not a real) University. You can make a special little throne of leftover mashed potatoes while you tweet about how you don't like shopping or crowds and never go out on Black Friday. You can throw a few bucks to Planned Parenthood or Standing Rock. You can go to stores and immediately leave when they say everything is 30% off. If I wanted to swim through high school classmates at the mall in my hometown, there's no way I'm settling for less than 40%. You can get your holiday gifts, like a person who actually doesn't owe a lot of money on your credit card. The options are endless.
And you can buy my books!
I wrote two books: Don't Worry, It Gets Worse was written when I was around 23, which is about as frustrating as it sounds. At 23, I wasn't a bastion of knowledge, but I think that's why the book is funny. Or at least funny to everybody but a few people on Amazon who are jerks, but hey. It's not like I write those Amazon reviews on my wall in newspaper clippings. It's completely fine. Anyway. It's a comedy memoir about graduating college. If that sounds interesting to you or somebody you know, like maybe one of your younger cousins who smiles all the time and doesn't realize debt and grocery budgets are about to rain down on her like hellfire, then hey. Get it here or here.
My second book, You Don't Have To Like Me, is a Publisher's Weekly Starred Review , which is a thing I can brag about regardless of the fact that I've worn my Taco Bell promotional t-shirt to bed for the last two weeks. I wrote it when I was older and was also a better writer, but not necessarily better at remembering to change my sheets. It's about being a woman, a feminist, and a funny person who can write about both at the same time. Funny in a clown way, before you ask. I am the lady Joe Pesci. Here's an excerpt of that book from Elle Magazine. It is about why dieting is stupid, which is a pretty good thing to read about the day after Thanksgiving. Give it to your best friend or any person in the world who likes to use books as coasters for her alcoholic beverages, because you can use a book for many things. Get it here or here.
So. Enjoy today, whether you are shopping or snorting stuffing up your nose. And if you buy anything related to me, know this: I get like...maybe a dollar for each book, so it's not like it's this extravagant money-making endeavor for me. Just so you know.