A Gilmore Girls Halloween Costume!
Confession: I was GOING to go as Luke Danes for Halloween this year. God, what a good idea. Comfortable. Somewhat recognizable. Brilliantly timed with the release of the new Gilmore Girls season next month, and also required practically no effort on my part. Just wear a basic backwards blue hat, throw a towel over my shoulder, and change into one of my many plaid shirts that all look the same. I even have an army green jacket! I don't have a chip on my shoulder or a nephew who probably owns a dozen Anonymous masks at home, but I can improvise! What a great costume. I can be so smart sometimes, but of course, my Achilles' Heel is my hatred of leaving the house and pure laziness.
The truth is, I'm not really a huge Halloween costume person, anymore. I like the makeup aspect of it, of course, but I wear garish lips and too much contour every day, no matter if I'm playing dead or not. And it's the costume that makes me itchy and disinterested. Maybe it's because I wear glasses and I have always wanted to go as Morticia Addams or Janis Ian or a Sanderson Sister, but have a Forever21 budget and no skills at a thrift store. And certainly not with a sewing needle.
Or maybe it's because I am afraid of going out in NYC this year, which could be filled with evil clowns or drunk frat boys in costumes that are just "my penis as another object, but it's a penis", or people who didn't get the billions of memos and still think headdresses are CUTE. The worst! And it's probably because I just want to be invited to a fancy adult Halloween ball at a haunted house, which I assume is what real adults do. Point is, this Halloween, for the first time, I'm considering..doing no..costume! Gasp! Squelch!
For the past few years I've lived in NYC, I've gone as a half-assed vampire waitress (bought expensive fangs and I think I swallowed them), a half-assed witch (fifty dollar hat from Urban I can't wear in real life), a full-assed Slytherin lady (which, again, I am 24/7), and a half-assed sexy sheep (I just follow the crowd).
This year feels different. I've been very into saying NO when I don't want to do things, and I really just want to sit on my couch and drink alcoholic cider and maybe fill the bathtub with some dry ice and a dude whose liver I am stealing. I don't know. Just inject some chocolate into my veins and maybe eat some spaghetti (brains!) or peeled grapes (eyes!) or tacos (delicious!). I've already DVR'd Hocus Pocus and Frankenweenie and Sleepy Hollow and Practical Magic. What a marathon! Thanks ABC Family that is now FREEFORM.
So maybe I'll just put on my black cat shirt I got at Wal-Mart once, slap on some black lipstick, and light the black flame candle (i'm not a virgin, but virginity is a thinly-veiled attempt at controlling a woman's sexuality by claiming her genitals are made from delicate flowers) instead of going out this year. I dunno. I'm so tired.
Anyway: the real point. I had planned on making a Luke's Diner menu to go along with my costume, and that's my Halloween gift to you. Take it. Run with it! Have fun next weekend, because this weekend you're probably going to spend much of it scrambling to plan your costume.
I'll be on the couch....sp00000Okky scarrrrrry!